call it fate, call it karma
a friend of mine (let's call her tina) was telling me the other day about this guy (fred) who wants to be more than just friends. when fred first met tina at work (he told her) he felt a very strong connection to her, something unlike anything else. tina likes fred too (as a friend), but she's now wondering if there's space for something else in their relationship. she didn't seem to feel that very deep connection that fred described. i asked.
we seemed to agree that female friendships tend to be more profound, more intense, than what guys are used to having. maybe that's why he felt such a strong connection? she offered her friendship regardless of his gender, he took it as something else.
i also met tina at work and we quickly became friends. although she's very dear to me, i can't say it was an unusual first meeting. it was nice getting to know someone who i had things in common with and who was willing to offer me her time. being an immigrant in my thirties, making friends isn't always easy. i came to realise it's because most people have lived decades in this country before i arrived and they most likely already have a big social group, i told tina.
tina told me i was forgetting something. she said she wanted to be friends with me not because i was available, but because i was me. yes, i was right that we didn't have sort of magical out of this world connection, but i was wrong in thinking that our friendship only developed due to time and circumstance. she met me. she talked to me. she chose to be friends with me.
i thought i had considered and analysed all variables. friendship = time + effort, simple maths. i am my biggest hater after all, so of course i forgot to consider what i had to offer to a friend. i'm still not sure if i have anything to offer. but it's nice that tina thinks i do.